recommended reading: the conyers report, "preserving democracy: what went wrong in ohio"
i'm burying myself in politics, because, while i care, it's still relatively impersonal. it's easier than confronting the real issues in my life. so, fuck you congress, fuck you and your sacrifice of democracy in the name of partisan politics. i welcome comment on this, pro or con, but please know what you're talking about before you talk (yes, henwy, that comment was targeted at you. read the fucking report before you dismiss it.)
spending most of my time with family lately. has been hard. grief, which i normally swallow, is being constantly dragged out of me like drowned bodies on hooks, through continuous contact with my fellow bereaved family members. doing my duty but it fucking hurts. i'd rather hide, it's what i do best in these situations.
today is the first day of class. calculus was a welcome relief. what is it about math that gives my life sanity and clarity?
living situation is as tight as ever. breaking the lease would cost me more money than seeing it through. buckling down and preparing for hard times. it's bad now, and it's going to get worse before it gets better.
dad bought me a car. he is my hero, even though i suspect his motivations for doing so. he's been very bendy-over-backwards for me since we finally got around to discussing the divorce and his erroneous handling of it, some 10 years later. thank you parental guilt, i've got wheels. anyway, the car: 90's corolla in great condition. thank fucking god, because kashmir's car gets repossessed today.
that's all for now. i'm spent. this was a summary. you should've seen the original.
so now i'm going to go mope around, watch the smokin kids with jealousy and hatred. fucking nicotine, fuck you fuck you fuck you. i hate you burn and die.